August 1, 2024. Midnight. I was reading Shatter Me (by Tahereh Mafi) when an odd thought trespassed my mind.
In a second, I am Juliette Ferrars, who’s in a world that has no Loving Creator — a world He is non-existent.
Electricity suddenly rushed through my blood. I got deadly chills at the idea, thankful that it would indeed remain a lifeless thought. For a second, I suddenly felt like a breathing corpse. It is a devouring fear; making me experience life as a weightless substance in a mass void. “I might have unconsciously described what hell is like.”
I haven’t felt this hellish dread since my Papa died — the phobia of being forcibly separated from your loved one for so long. A lifetime long.
Of it all— I felt the heavy need to pour this melancholy. I have to express how much I can’t fathom the thought of Him being 'just a thought.' To live in a dark, fictional universe, on which the idea of being able to hear His heartbeat is far-fetched. That meeting my greatest love, best friend, teacher, comfort, counselor, savior, healer, king, and bridegroom, is impossible.
It’s devastating to think that for most people, this mere "thought" are their reality. They wake up every day, living alone, not having their bridegroom by their side. That they are made blind since birth by the evil forces and principalities of this world. These made them unable to see how near he is—just around the corner, anticipating to have us back in His holy presence. Anticipating when will He be reunited "with the flesh of his flesh"—His everlasting companion.
I just could not imagine living my present without the relationship that I currently have with You. Everything about You: character, story, personality: I love. I am ineffably grateful of the time you’ve gifted me to get to know You—my YHWH.
With this then, though intimidated, let us desire to be partakers of the heavenly work of pulling people back into His presence. That they may finally find satisfaction in their eternal quest for intimacy—Godly intimacy. That their Spiritual eyes finally open: seeing the steadfast love that has been waiting for them since the beginning of time.
